Counseling

Question: I fell out of love with my spouse. I no longer love my husband/ wife?

Answer: Contrary to popular opinion love is not oozy koozy good feeling but it is rooted in our decisions. We make a decision to be patient, kind, long-suffering etc and become committed to our decisions, which are our choices. Our commitment to one another is evidence of this truth. Jesus said if you love me keep my commandments. The evidence of our love for Jesus is our behavior, or what we do It is likewise in our marriages. When what we do and what we say is not congruous then we must lay our hearts on the altar. Surely something is wrong. We can ask the Lord to help us to be truthful. We must be willing to change and to stretch ourselves toward the biblical standard where what we do and say are the same. You do not fall out of love, often you simply neglect to do those things which nurtured your love in the first place. Love can be nurtured by once more doing the things you did when you first fell in love with one another. In addition, please be aware that all marriages go through stages where you move from romantic love to realistic love. A great book on the stages of a marriage is Passages of Marriage: Five Growth Stages That Will Take Your Marriage to Greater Intimacy and Fulfillment
by Frank Minrith.

Question: I think other people have it easier than me. You don't know my husband or wife. S/he is just unlovable. What can I do?

Answer: The grass looks greener on the other side. One never knows how couple has endured or worked to get to any stage in marriage. It is always a matter of sacrifice, faith, love and a lot of hard work. Trust God to work in you and through you. Look for those things which caused you to fall in love with your mate. Go on a date.perhaps the same place you went on your first date. Aggressively look for the qualities you first fell in love with in your mate. Express this to your mate. Turn off the criticism in your heart and in your head. Sometimes people will say they do not criticize their mate but they do discuss their mates transgressions with others and even rehearse wrongdoings in their minds. You will need to settle the issue that indeed love can be rekindled even if it is a hard road.

Question: I know I should pray with my wife/ husband but I just can't seem to do it?

Answer: We've discovered that praying together is vital to intimacy. However, what often hinders couples is not praying about issues individually before coming together to  pray with one another. Often, even just scheduling a time to pray together-be it just five minutes in the morning or the evening where both should be committed to the specified prayer time. Be certain to get your prayer time in so that it is not your only time of prayer. Be willing to be vulnerable with one another.  If either spouse regards him/herself more "spiritual" than the other this can also create a problem. Resolve to be real and not judge another's spirituality. In fact, if you are judging your mate's prowess in prayer that's an excellent indication that you are not as mature as you may think that you are. Be real with one another and remember God sees your hearts not just your words.

Please email us your marriage, parenting and family questions and we'll choose the best ones to answer.