Mom Time News

Decluttering Our Lives
By Cheryl R. Carter

All of us recognize that clutter is a deadly vice in our lives; none of us will argue with that assertion. It is just that we do not know how to begin to de-clutter our lives. So let’s get to the root of the problem. Much of our clutter is accumulated because of fear. We hold onto things because we think we will need them one day. I have worked with clients buried in masses of clothing but afraid to throw any of it away, because they thought that one day, they might need it. Unfortunately, what they could not see was that even if they really needed it one day, they would not be able to locate it because they were buried in clutter.

Fear of deprivation is the first hurdle to be crossed when dealing with clutter. Here is where we must be honest with ourselves. Many people who come from deprived backgrounds will find they are particularly susceptible to fear-based hoarding. Many of the elderly people I work with still hold onto things because they remember when they did not have things. In particular, I have found that those raised during the Great Depression, in low-income households, or in challenging financial situations tend to hold onto things more.

Perhaps, on an unconscious level, they still remember things being rationed from their youth. They fear not having enough. Those images of childhood deprivation need to be acknowledged in order to understand the root of the problem. This is not the only reason people hold onto things. Some elderly people hold onto things because they fear letting go of their youth, or fond family memories. Actually, all clutter has memories attached to it. Those memories must be dealt with effectively. We have to admit that, for most of us, clutter is an emotional issue.

Often, we have trouble separating who we are from what we have, so we become attached to anything that enters our homes. Even inanimate objects become our cherished offspring. Perhaps it is part of our depraved nature or human frailty, but we tend to want to hold onto whatever we get in our hands. Thus, our homes are full of paper, mementos, and anything that is a testament to where we have been and what we have done. Recognizing the inescapable fact—that we tend to hold onto anything that comes into our possession—should give us insight into how to deal with the clutter in our lives.

Emotional motivation to hoard clutter runs deep, so the only way to effectively eradicate our lives of clutter is to deal with it immediately. We have to pounce on it before it becomes an emotional issue. Anything that stays with us over time becomes part of us, and we will find it hard to separate from it. Once we understand this fact, it becomes easier to remain organized. I often watch home-improvement television programs that focus on organization. I enjoy watching environments being transformed. However, I am often concerned about these newly organized people, especially the ones with tremendous amounts of clutter.

These shows rarely address how these folks got to the point where their homes were such utter messes that they needed massive makeovers. If they were followed up after a specified time, would they have been able to maintain their clutter-free homes and work areas? I point this out because most people do not recognize the extent of their clutter problem until they are buried in the mess. However, clutter does not happen overnight.

Clutter occurs little by little over time, so we must stop clutter before it infiltrates our homes. Mothers are particularly vulnerable to clutter, because we cherish each little item our angelic tykes give us. Your child makes you a soap dish out of shells one week and a painting the next; before you know it, you have a mass of mementos. This, of course, is multiplied with each child and subsequent school grade, camp experience, and holiday celebration.

Let’s face it—we just cannot keep a testament of our children’s childhood or their love by saving their stuff. Stuff is just clutter. Sometimes we do not realize that we are trying to hold onto our emotional responses to our children. It is healthy and right to hold onto a few mementos, but it is not emotionally good to hold onto every little item of our offspring’s childhoods. We simply must separate our emotions from things. I know that this is easier said than done.

Avoiding the clutches of clutter

We avoid clutter by not being sentimentally attached to anything. This sounds difficult, but it is not. I often tell my workshop attendees that we must deal with clutter by stopping it before it comes into our homes. Once anything is in our homes, then it is an emotional issue for all of us. None of us is immune to this phenomenon. It is always harder to part with anything that makes its way into our personal space. Therefore, I advise people to think of clutter as an enemy seeking to invade their homes and thwart their productivity. Be mindful of everything—and I do mean everything—that comes into your home. There is no exception to this rule.

You must control the items that enter your home. You may go shopping, attend a birthday party, attend a theater event, or get your mail, and before you realize it, you are surrounded by clutter. Stop clutter before it comes in by recognizing the insidious propensity of clutter to sneak up on you and overtake your home. When you leave your home for any reason, try not to bring things into your house when you return. This may sound ridiculous or impossible at first, but it is rather easy when you give it some thought. Do not take home church bulletins, party favors, theater programs, advertisements, free samples, or anything. They will take space in your home and ultimately reveal their true nature clutter.

If you need information from a document, record the information in your personal planner, but do not bring home more paper. For instance, I never take a doctor’s appointment reminder card. I simply record the date of the follow-up appointment in my planner. Thus, I avoid bringing more paper—no matter how small—into my home.

You have to be vigilant when it comes to paper, because this is the craftiest kind of clutter. It camouflages itself in importance. Remember, if you slip up and somehow it gets in your home, it will be that much harder to get rid of it, because once it is in your home, you are apt to become emotionally attached to it. You will be tempted to think that it has some grave relevance to your life, when in reality, it is just distracting you from the important parts of your life.

Portions of this article were excerpted from Cheryl’s new book A practical Guide for Christian Mothers: Getting Organized and Staying Organized. Visit www.Momtime.net for book ordering information. Cheryl is a homeschooling speaker, writer and mom who daily works to break the sentimental attachment to her homeschool book clutter.